I had a nagging thought today as I sat and did my meditation.
I am no paragon of virtue, I do not often sit and do an actual meditation, I prefer moving meditations–walking or bicycling, or writing meditation.
I do a writing meditation just about every morning with very few exceptions.
It is based off the Julia Cameron book, The Artists Way, a way to explore creativity and connect with your creative aspirations.
I have been doing this for years now, over a decade actually.
The writing informs me. I find that through the simple act of putting pen to paper, my attitudes about my life, my circumstances, and who I am (or think I am) change.
I also am a creature of habit and routine, I find comfort in routine and the knowledge of how that secure frame helps me to actually achieve and do many things.
I often find myself ruminating, and I am sure I am not alone in this, about what more I could be doing.
We are such a culture of more.
A wise person once asked me if I wasn’t happy with what I had, why would more make me happy?
I was floored.
And I began to find gratitude for what I had versus what I did not have, or how I compared myself to others around me, who I thought, at the time, had what I wanted.
A day of rest.
A day for contemplation.
A day for meeting with my best friend early for coffee and taking a long walk.
I like to sleep in on Sundays.
It’s not very late, but it is the only day I do, 8a.m. feels like a tremendous luxury.
Today I got up early and got ready to meet my friend for coffee.
Realizing the importance of connecting and being with people I love is very important to me.
Especially as I age and find the grey hairs sprouting from my forehead and gently waving me on from one stage of life to another.
The importance of making time to see people and connect.
I felt more fueled and invigorated by coffee and a walk with my best friend than if I had slept in that extra hour and a half.
Then again, it might have just been the coffee.
But the rejuvenation of company that I adore and a walk through a park I had not hitherto explored in the city was the best tonic.
That and the exceptional weather.
San Francisco’s June gloom (fog season is upon the city) was no where to be seen and it demanded acknowledgement and appreciation.
I did my best to appreciate.
Making sure I took a break from the work projects I had to sit outside for lunch and really be in the moment.
To feel the sun on my skin, hear the birds–identifying crows, seagulls, sparrows, and robins, in the song saturated blue sky, to feel the air warm soft on my face.
It was perhaps the al fresco lunch that set my brain tumbling.
I wasn’t doing enough with my time!
I connected with a friend, decided to do a group meditation in the late afternoon and also, yes! I’ll go to yoga.
Driving across town, the windows rolled down, my music loud, summer time frolicking all through the city, happy to gather for an hour with community.
Except that when I sat.
My brain attacked me.
It got bogged down in the details of getting back across town, getting my yoga mat out, what should I wear (really, brain, really?) to class, and all the tiny details that my mind thought it needed to figure out while I was meditating.
Gratefully I have learned enough to not judge that part of me and when I could just breathe and let it go.
It’s taken me a long time to breathe and let go.
Perhaps all my life, with all my life yet to practice, I have with valiant effort, tried to do this.
Some days mindless iterations of what needs to be done.
Certainly not sitting still.
When the meditation was up and I said goodbye to the group and some friends I hadn’t seen in a while, the meditation actually made itself quite clear as to what I had to do next.
Hurry up and slow down.
What was more important?
Driving like a lunatic, (safely of course, I drive safely in the city!) perhaps I should rephrase that, drive anxiously, across town to make the yoga class.
Hug that friend I don’t see that often, catch up with another, breathe and realize that I have done enough today.
I am a human being.
Not a human doing.
I am allowed to slow down.
To become like molasses, warm and and soft, slow and relaxed, gently moving from one place to another.
So I did not rush across town, I did not beat myself up for not doing more on my day off, hello, that’s what days off are for, slowing down.
Listening to the birds.
Appreciating what I have and grateful for the chance to skip a yoga class to just be a person having a day off.
Yoga will be there when I need it.
My days off may not be.
I choose to slow down.
I took the day off.
It was a good choice.
I cannot recommend it enough.